Adjusting to stepchildren is a difficult transition for the child and the parent. Sometimes it is hard for the stepparent to understand the stepchild, depending on how old they are. However, as the stepparent, you do not want to pressure yourself or the child into a situation they are not comfortable with. They may be having trouble adjusting to a new position.
To understand how your stepchild feels, sit them down, and let them vocalize their emotions and fears. If you come off as someone they can confide in, they will have an easier time trusting you.
Do not try to be the stepparent who tries to replace the parents they have lost.
You still need to maintain rules and structure in your home, but it is a little more delicate. Until the child can adapt to having you as an authority figure, it is best to have the biological parent become an enforcer.
Being patient and giving them plenty of space to adjust will also help gain their trust. Remember, stepchildren are still family. You want them to feel like they belong in your space. Things are changing a lot for the child. Understandably, they are going to have a more extended adjustment period. Children already have difficulty adjusting to change, and having an entire parent displaced through divorce or death is hard. It is especially tricky if their original parent died. It is harder to replace them as parents because they may feel like their parents are disloyal. However, people need to move on, and someday your child will grow to understand that, but you need to make sure they feel as comfortable as they can until they do.
Do not try to force anything, have a lot of fun, and give them the space and resources they need to adjust, and they will eventually open up to you.
